Your Relationships: How to Manage Them

Mar 23, 2004, 12.00am IST

When you live in this world, there are various types of complex interactions happening. As your field of play increases, the complexity of interaction also goes on increasing.


If you're just sitting in a cubicle, working on your computer with only one other person, you need only a little understanding; but if you're managing a thousand people, you need a vast understanding of everybody.

If you want all these people to understand you, then you're not going to manage anything. You need to understand the limitations and the capabilities of these thousand people and do what you can; only then will you have the power to move the situation the way you want it to go.


The closer the relationship, the more effort you should make to understand them. A man was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, with his wife staying at his bedside night and day. When he came to, in those few moments of consciousness, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat beside him, he said, "I've been thinking... you have been with me through all the bad times in my life — when I got fired, when my business went down the tube, when I got shot and when we lost the house in that legal clash. You were right there beside me. Now my health is failing, and you're still by my side. On consideration, I think you only bring me bad luck!"

This is exactly what you're doing to yourself and to your relationships. With your understanding you can create situations where the other person would be able to understand you better.

If you're expecting the other to understand and comply with you all the time while you don't understand the limitations, the possibilities, the needs and the capabilities of that person, then conflict is all that will happen.

Unfortunately, the closest relationships in the world have more conflict going on than there is between India and Pakistan.
India and Pakistan have fought only three wars. In your relationships, you have fought many more and are still fighting, because your line of understanding and theirs is different.
If you cross this Line of Control (LoC), they will get mad. If they cross it, you will get mad. If you move your understanding beyond theirs, their understanding also becomes a part of your understanding. You will be able to embrace their limitations and capabilities.


In everyone, there are some positive aspects and some negative aspects. If you embrace all this in your understanding, you can make the relationship the way you want it.


If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for you; if not, the relationship will break up.
If you want to be the one who decides what happens to your life, you should enhance your understanding to such a point that you can look beyond people's madness also.


There are wonderful people around you, but once in a while they like to go crazy for a few minutes. If you don't understand that, you will lose them.


Whether it's a question of personal relationships or professional management, you need understanding; otherwise, you won't have fruitful relationships.

Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev