Eternal Game of Hide-and-Seek

Feb 13, 2004, 12.00am IST
K P Rastogi.

I've nursed a deep desire since childhood to see truth, face-to-face. I knew that truth would remain elusive unless I learnt to recognise the true nature of my own self and the world around me. But bookish knowledge did not take me any closer to this goal. Knowledge derived with the help of the senses is not entirely dependable, for our senses can deceive us.


Restless, I read the biographies of Jesus Christ, the Buddha, Ramakrishna, Mirabai, Mahatma Gandhi and others. Inspired, I tried to acquire qualities that could elevate me to a higher position. But it was not easy; I was young and passions and desires had me in their grip.


In the midst of my worldly pursuits I would often slip into a pensive mood when nothing mattered except my search for truth. I would say to myself, “If man’s soul is a spark from the ultimate reality or God, then the knowledge of that Truth must come from within, not from without.” So I waited for truth to emer-ge from within. But nothing happened.
Dejected, I turned towards ‘Gyan Marg’, I read a lot. The result? I became an atheist. There is no God, there is no power that controls the universe, I told myself. Evolution is at the root of all that has evolved and that is evolving at present.

All the mysteries of the universe are the result of evolution, including even consciousness and self-consciousness. God is not the creator of man; man is the creator of God.


Atheism, however, makes the mind judge matters beyond its ken. The mind can show us relative truths and not the absolute Truth. Relative truth is maya or illusion. Our mind is incapable of revealing to us the ultimate reality. Truth-seekers cannot be satisfied with logical propositions, mathematical formulas or scientific laws that give us knowledge of the apparent, often imperfect truth. The mind is too poor a tool in this search.

Perhaps a purified, controlled mind can do what an unpurified mind cannot do. Yogic exercises can help us control the mind, silencing it completely. A mind free of thoughts might be able to ‘see’ God. But had it been so, Buddha would not have kept silent when he was asked three times by a renowned saint, “Do you believe in God?” Buddha was a man who knew his limitations and he did not like to mystify things. Newton, too, knew that his knowledge was shallow: “I am picking up pebbles on the sea shore”, he remarked.

Where the mind fails, can the heart succeed? Feelings perhaps have a wider reach than thoughts. ‘Prem Marg’ could well help us achieve what ‘Gyan Marg’ has failed to do. The Bhakti saints adopted this path with success. I followed this path for a while but remained unsatisfied.

At the age of 75 years, I am now convinced that the absolute Truth lies beyond our reach. We will never get to know it. We can at best make a guess and draw our own conclusions, and these are bound to be far away from Truth. The Vedas rightly say (about truth): “Neti, Neti, Neti” — Not this, not this, not this.

Sometimes, I ask myself: “Suppose I had more than five senses, say 20 or 30 — how would the universe appear to me?” I should think, very different indeed. New dimensions, facts, ways of thinking and new methods of approach will appear and as a result, the world as we know it will be transformed into a newer one.
What will happen to my idea of reality, to present-day science and mathematics, and to the arrogance of man?