Give with humility and take with gratitude

Nov 23, 2009, 12.00am IST
JYOTI DESAI.

On the verge of crying, I could barely express my gratitude. Saying a simple ‘thank you’ did not seem adequate for the effort taken by a friend in trying to get me a job in a vulnerable phase in my life. And so, thereafter, I must have tried to express my thanks many times over till she simply smiled and said: “It is your time to take.”


Taken aback by the reply I perhaps further complimented her on her goodness, not understanding the full import of the words ‘your time to take’. Life got busy and we lost touch. But somewhere inside me the words ‘a time to take’ sat patiently waiting their turn to play a part in my life. The going was good. I was now in a position to help others. My natural response to all the words of gratitude that were showered on me remained, ‘it is all right, it is just your time to take’.

There is a time to take and there is a time to give. Golden words often quoted, and yet we only want to give, we would rather not take. The puzzled looks I have received when I have gently said ‘it is a time to take’ set me thinking. What is so loaded in the words ‘a time to take’?

Perhaps it is to do with our upbringing. Instilled in us is this value about not taking – it is a favour, about managing alone even in the most difficult of times without seeking support. And yet, taking is one of the most natural acts carried out by each of us since the time we are conceived.


We take life’s sustenance from our mothers, we take love from our siblings, we take knowledge from our teachers, we take companionship from our friends, we take affection from our pets, we take food from the earth, we take warmth from the sun and that is an endless list. And yet we feel no obligation to all these givers, because we are conditioned to view them as normal life situations.

Our minds are full of suspicion, and more so when we are at the receiving end. The mind works at a furious pace on the implications of taking. One of the fears is of having to return the favour immediately or at some point of time in the future, and the guilt of ingratitude if we are not able to do so. But does it always have to work in that manner? Perplexing, as it may seem, there is a far more complicated system at play which is difficult to decode. Seers therefore stress on abiding by the fundamental principle of giving with humility and taking with gratitude – a simple way to resolving confusing moments in this endless cycle of take and give.

Every one of us, in our lifetime, experiences moments when we give on impulse. We are stirred to give to causes, beggars, friends, strangers. Do these people give us something in return? Do we expect them to? No, but in doing so we experience a strange calm. And when we as takers are full of sadness and shame, are we forgetting to recognise the moment of calm being experienced by the giver?

In this endless game of take and give we should just play along, taking and giving as life asks us to, enjoying the gifts we take and give, without grudging our ‘misfortune’ for being takers, not feeling lesser for having taken or superior for having given.