Selflessness Can Be A Huge Burden

Jun 7, 2004, 12.00am IST

If you are disappointed today about something, it does not mean that it is a permanent condition. There is always a tomorrow to look forward to.


If you refuse to be optimistic or hopeful for the morrow, you will find yourself getting dragged into a whirlpool of despair, which is in itself a generator of unhappiness.

Is there a secret, a magic formula for happiness? If there is, does it lie inside you or outside? Logically, it has to be inside you.

But having assumed it can be found only outside, and being unable to find it, you have brought misery upon yourself; you are depressed.

Some of you ask, what is wrong in seeking happiness outside? Everything, is the decisive answer. For, happiness is not an object to be possessed or retained but a subject to be experienced and shared.

This truth apart, we continue to identify happiness as an object because we do not know how to live for ourselves. Yes, the unhappy man always lives for the applause of others. He constructs a house, not for himself.

He buys a car, not for himself. Perhaps, he even decides to get married and have a family but mainly in order to be praised by others. This man thunders unto the world: Look, I'm capable of possessing all these. Can you match me?

In trying to keep up with the Jonesses, or even with our peer group, we forget that each time we match our acquisitions and aspirations with those of others, there are still others who have more than us - so the mindless race continues.

Hence, happiness, as of now, seems to be all about throwing and accepting challenges. There are also those who belong to either category; they neither throw a challenge nor pick one up. This segment is not happy either: If only we were a little stronger, we could've participated in this game, it laments.

Osho has an anecdote: A certain bachelor finally decided to get married. He had remained a bachelor because it was difficult for him to find a bride of his dreams.

However, in the end, he decided to give up his bachelorhood. His matri- monial advertisement received immense response. After scanning hundreds of applications, he chose one.

In fact, he was surprised to find that the bride of his dreams actually existed. Soon, he called on her. But to his utter dismay, the bride refused him. Reason: He did not match the bridegroom of her dreams.

The search for happiness is perhaps like searching for a perfect bride or groom. The unhappy man here is living in the hope of finding someone who might not even exist or even if she did, he might not be able to find her.

This gives rise to two pertinent questions. Firstly, would you be happy if you were to live for yourself? Of course, yes. For, when you begin to do that, you neither appease nor get appreciated.

What's more, you find yourself liberated from daily challenges to unravel the peace which had eluded you. In such a scenario, it is not your possessions that count, for you can own or disown them at your own free will - they are meant for your comfort, not for others' appreciation.

The second question arises: Won't living for oneself amount to self-centredness? The answer is: 'No'. Firstly, there is nothing wrong in living for yourself, especially when you are bound to become a burden to society by living for others.

Secondly, if every individual can live for himself and experience the state of happiness - his ultimate goal - the need for leading a selfless life does not arise at all.

Once you come to this understanding and leave the path of confrontation, all challenges cease to exist and life becomes a benediction.

T S Sreenivasa Raghavan