Apr 9, 2010, 12.00am IST
MARGUERITE THEOPHIL.
(The writer is a Mumbai-based consultant, personal growth coach and workshop leader.)
MARGUERITE THEOPHIL.
Most of us were taught that generosity is about giving freely, and putting others' needs before our own. While there is nothing wrong with this definition, it remains somewhat incomplete. To think of generosity only in terms of giving can limit us.
Being truly generous is as much about being open to receiving graciously from others. Allowing the other to 'give' to us whether it be a compliment, an act of kindness, emotional support or even material help in times of need is, interestingly, as much of an act of kindness as extending ourselves to give to others.
Correspondingly, we need to be aware of a possible 'greed of giving' that can sometimes be a thinly disguised power trip! It's time we began to understand generosity as a kind of two-way street.
With all the talk about how "selfish" we are today, it's pretty amazing to see how many people have real difficulty being able to receive.
There may be at least four reasons why people have trouble receiving. Maybe they simply haven't learned how to graciously receive a gift or assistance from another. Or it could be that they don't want to feel under obligation to the giver. It's also possible they consider receiving a weakness, and want to always come across as the strong or defining part of a relationship; to receive, for some, is to acknowledge that they have needs, or are vulnerable, and they find this very hard. Or perhaps, most sadly, they don't feel they deserve what they receive.
Unfortunately, all of these reasons quite self-centredly put the focus on the receiver, rather than on the joy of the person giving the gift. It helps to recall the joy we feel when we ourselves give ^ and to allow others opportunities for experiencing the same joy.
Ultimately it is about finding that sacred balance between not wanting too much either to only give, or to only receive.
Teachers from various Traditions have spoken of the art of receiving; that learning to receive is an important step in connecting to our Higher Self. It may not be only working hard or being a more deserving person that draws good things towards us, rather, it begins with the process of 'allowing'. Perhaps we could reflect on the strange possibility that we may be allowing into our lives less than 2 per cent of the good things that Higher Self offers.
A sermon i once heard from a Christian pastor suggested that when Jesus called us to 'become as little children' to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, he meant that we should learn to receive as they do. "Children can teach us a thing or two about simple, joyful receiving," she said. "They hardly ever feel they have to earn the gift or are obliged to pay you back. They just accept. It's a form of surrender. That's how one enters the kingdom."
A Buddhist teacher in Thailand invited us to consider that in order to have a great life, you not only have to discern your needs from your greeds, but you also have to be humble enough to ask for what you need, and more importantly you also need to understand that the way you habitually receive often determines what you will receive in the future.
There's a danger of getting caught up in our own ideas of what it means to be generous and so losing sight of what this principle of generosity is really about ^ which is experiencing our interconnectedness in both the outgoing and inflowing energy of genuine reciprocity.
